There is only one thing I hate more than men; Love. I use a lot of four-letter words in my everyday vocabulary but this one, on the rare occassion that I use it, rolls off my tongue with much difficulty and is full of bitterness. Love is crap.
I never believed in love at first sight, even when I wasn't a cynical 22 year old with a terrible track record of relationships. I find it completely illogical that anyone can see someone across a crowded room and instantly fall in love, thinking "I'm going to marry them." You can't. How can you love someone you don't know? It is built up over a long period of time and is based on what you have in common, if you find each other attractive, whether or not you can look past their bad habits and still want to be with them. It doesn't happen instantaneously, it's logically impossible.
I read people's stories about their "fairytale romances" and how they were swept off their feet, are desperately in love after only a few days together. Utter bullshit. Relationships take work. The real name for a fairytale romance is "the honeymoon period." When you meet someone new, they're exciting because you know nothing about them and it's all lovey-dovey mushy stuff, the generic "you hang up" " no, you hang up" phone scenarios, walks along the beach, romantic picnics. I suppose it varies with everyone. Your honeymood period could last a few weeks, others a few months. I would define a fairytale romance as finding your prince charming out of nowhere and living happily ever after. Apart from in Disney movies, this never happens.
When I read these romance stories, I wish I could scream at the person "Look, love. It's all a load of bollocks. You can't fall in love with someone after a week. You don't even know them. They could be a serial killer for all you know. How can you say that this will be the person you're going to marry. Get a grip!" But of course, I don't. I would see it as a fair warning but they would probably just see it as me raining on their parade.
So you may ask where I get off telling people this love nonsense is well... nonsense. Personal experience, my friends. I fell in love with someone I thought was my "one" when I was 17. We had a great time together, everything was lovely, romantic and all that. I genuinely believed he was for me. I even moved in with him into our own place and I had a baby with him. Then he abused me, lied to me, cheated on me and eventually left me. I don't believe I did anything to deserve it other than try and fight to keep together what I had wished for. Ever since, I have had whirlwind romances, everytime I kid myself into thinking this one will be different from the last. I dated an old friend who couldn't stop himself from flirting with other girls. I dated an insanely dull guy, mainly based on his looks, who suddenly dropped me with no warning and I later found out he had had another girlfriend all along. I dated a guy who turned out to be a crazy person when I realised things weren't working out between us and tried to finish things, he threatened to throw himself off a bridge. So, as you can see, love does not fit into my grand plan very well.
Everyone always says to me "You feel like that now, but when you find the right person you'll feel differently." To those people, I say "Hell to the no." I used to go through life hating being single. I hated everything about it. Being lonely, having nobody who could call round or take me out when I felt rubbish. Now I couldn't be happier to be single. I genuinely DO NOT want a man. Ever. Times three.
So, just to re-capp; Love at first sight equals a load of crap; Fairytale romances equals total rubbish. Love equals more effort than it's worth. I may be bitter and cynical, but I don't need a man and I'm happier for it. The thing is we can hope life works that way, that there are lovely, loyal men all around us who will grab us when we most need to be caught, but it doesn't. They may be there to begin with but months, years down the line, they will just end up letting you down. The more we wish, the more we delude ourselves and the worse we feel when things don't go right.