Thursday, 25 August 2011

Fairytale romance is dead

There is only one thing I hate more than men; Love. I use a lot of four-letter words in my everyday vocabulary but this one, on the rare occassion that I use it, rolls off my tongue with much difficulty and is full of bitterness. Love is crap.

I never believed in love at first sight, even when I wasn't a cynical 22 year old with a terrible track record of relationships. I find it completely illogical that anyone can see someone across a crowded room and instantly fall in love, thinking "I'm going to marry them." You can't. How can you love someone you don't know? It is built up over a long period of time and is based on what you have in common, if you find each other attractive, whether or not you can look past their bad habits and still want to be with them. It doesn't happen instantaneously, it's logically impossible.

I read people's stories about their "fairytale romances" and how they were swept off their feet, are desperately in love after only a few days together. Utter bullshit. Relationships take work. The real name for a fairytale romance is "the honeymoon period." When you meet someone new, they're exciting because you know nothing about them and it's all lovey-dovey mushy stuff, the generic "you hang up" " no, you hang up" phone scenarios, walks along the beach, romantic picnics. I suppose it varies with everyone. Your honeymood period could last a few weeks, others a few months. I would define a fairytale romance as finding your prince charming out of nowhere and living happily ever after. Apart from in Disney movies, this never happens.

When I read these romance stories, I wish I could scream at the person "Look, love. It's all a load of bollocks. You can't fall in love with someone after a week. You don't even know them. They could be a serial killer for all you know. How can you say that this will be the person you're going to marry. Get a grip!" But of course, I don't. I would see it as a fair warning but they would probably just see it as me raining on their parade.

So you may ask where I get off telling people this love nonsense is well... nonsense. Personal experience, my friends. I fell in love with someone I thought was my "one" when I was 17. We had a great time together, everything was lovely, romantic and all that. I genuinely believed he was for me. I even moved in with him into our own place and I had a baby with him. Then he abused me, lied to me, cheated on me and eventually left me. I don't believe I did anything to deserve it other than try and fight to keep together what I had wished for. Ever since, I have had whirlwind romances, everytime I kid myself into thinking this one will be different from the last. I dated an old friend who couldn't stop himself from flirting with other girls. I dated an insanely dull guy, mainly based on his looks, who suddenly dropped me with no warning and I later found out he had had another girlfriend all along. I dated a guy who turned out to be a crazy person when I realised things weren't working out between us and tried to finish things, he threatened to throw himself off a bridge. So, as you can see, love does not fit into my grand plan very well.

Everyone always says to me "You feel like that now, but when you find the right person you'll feel differently." To those people, I say "Hell to the no." I used to go through life hating being single. I hated everything about it. Being lonely, having nobody who could call round or take me out when I felt rubbish. Now I couldn't be happier to be single. I genuinely DO NOT want a man. Ever. Times three.

So, just to re-capp; Love at first sight equals a load of crap; Fairytale romances equals total rubbish. Love equals more effort than it's worth. I may be bitter and cynical, but I don't need a man and I'm happier for it. The thing is we can hope life works that way, that there are lovely, loyal men all around us who will grab us when we most need to be caught, but it doesn't. They may be there to begin with but months, years down the line, they will just end up letting you down. The more we wish, the more we delude ourselves and the worse we feel when things don't go right.

1 comment:

  1. I also dont believe in love at first sight. However, I am a hopeless romantic, and I do believe in love. I read this in the book we spoke of. Being an author, i thought youd like it.

    Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."

    And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.

    And with a great voice he said:

    When love beckons to you follow him,

    Though his ways are hard and steep.

    And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

    Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

    And when he speaks to you believe in him,

    Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

    For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

    Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

    So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

    Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

    He threshes you to make you naked.

    He sifts you to free you from your husks.

    He grinds you to whiteness.

    He kneads you until you are pliant;

    And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

    All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

    But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

    Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

    Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

    Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

    Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

    For love is sufficient unto love.

    When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

    And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

    Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

    But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

    To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

    To know the pain of too much tenderness.

    To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

    And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

    To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

    To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

    To return home at eventide with gratitude;

    And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.